Chapter Twenty-Two: Is 2020 the year to be (s)elfish?
Elfie enjoying an auto rickshaw ride in Mysore, India circa 2018.
December 13, 2020
Dear Diary,
I really screwed up. I had a rare opportunity to drastically improve our lives and I blew it. In a year where literally everything else was cancelled, I had the perfect excuse, and I let it pass me by. What was I thinking?
How easy would it have been to simply inform the kids that Elfie was staying put in the North Pole, socially distancing until he can get the vaccine? I mean, obviously Tyler is past the point of believing in such things, so I would have needed only to convince Olivia. No disrespect to her, but she’s eight and she’s pretty well accustomed to 2020 being the worst. A little more bad news would not have tipped the balance, if you know what I am saying.
Now that I am thinking about it, there really ought to be a disclaimer when you buy the Elf on the Shelf that this is an intense multi-year commitment, and a highly stressful one to boot. There really ought to be like a 48 hour waiting period where you are required to talk to other Elf-owning parents before deciding to go forward. Everyone goes into it thinking that it will be a delightful month of exciting treasure hunt mornings, which each culminate in an Instagram-worthy snap for posterity. In reality, though, if you’re like me, I always forget to move the sucker until I wake up in the morning, when it suddenly hits me like a jolt. My heart pounding, I race down the stairs to move him before one of the kids notices he hasn’t, lest the magic of Christmas be forever ruined for them. I mean, no big deal or anything.
Beyond these daily anxiety-ridden struggles, there is also the added challenge of traveling during the holidays with Elfie in tow. Surreptitiously packing him and pulling him out every night while on the road requires serious sleight of hand. I once had to strategize how to bring him along on a three-week trip to India, which was no easy feat, but did result in some pretty epic Instagram photos for once.
Thankfully, Hubby is an insomniac so he often covers me when I have forgotten. Hubby’s Elfie always finds the funniest hiding spots. He’s apt to be found enjoying himself in the wine refrigerator, or having a blast at Barbie’s Dream House. I must admit that there is nothing better than the sound of the children’s uproarious laughter as they start the day, which must be why we keep bringing the little guy back, year after year…
Very truly yours,
Maya